Miscarriage – My Note
As a woman who has suffered from a miscarriage, I can definitely say it is not something I would ever wish on my own worst enemy. Before I experienced my miscarriage in 2007, I had had a couple friends who had. I never knew exactly why they were grieving.
As a woman who has suffered from a miscarriage, I can definitely say it is not something I would ever wish on my own worst enemy. Before I experienced my miscarriage in 2007, I had had a couple friends who had. I never knew exactly why they were grieving. I knew they were pregnant and I never once counted their baby as an “embryo” or a “fetus,” to me, it was always the loss of a baby, but for some immature reason, I could never figure why they hurt so much. When a friend went through this heart-wrenching experience, I could only selfishly think “But how could she be that attached?”
A stupid, stupid thought.
For information’s sake, miscarriages occur in 15-20% of all pregnancies but in all actuality, the numbers are probably much higher since many women experience a miscarriage before they knew they were actually pregnant. Most of the time the reason is that there are chromosomal abnormalities in the baby, those that would prevent the baby from living after birth.
For a mother’s sake who has just experienced a miscarriage – it hurts the same even if she knows in her heart of hearts that there wasn’t a single thing she could have done to prevent the miscarriage.
Now you ask why there is an article on miscarriage on a site about infertility. Why? Because many couples who are experiencing infertility are doing so because they are one, having trouble getting pregnant or two, having trouble maintining a pregnancy.
The question to answer to the reader, provided that you, the reader, are not the mother who just experienced a miscarriage – what can you do to help? I found the most helpful thing anyone could do is be quiet and be on standby. I needed shoulders to cry on, I needed to be hugged, I needed to be told that my baby (yes, baby) was loved and that I will see my baby one day in the future. I did not need friends telling me that I could have more babies, that what I lost was not a baby but ‘just a fetus’ and that I am ok and that is all that counts. Even though these phrases sound OK to you, they are not OK. They hurt. If you do not know what to say, don’t avoid your friend, spouse or daughter – just be there and be there in silence. She will come to you and she won’t know what to say either.